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This was a chain letter I received a
few weeks ago. I wrote to the person who sent it to me asking for the author's
name. However, she did not know and suggested I list the author as unknown. If
you know who wrote this interesting bit of reading, please write.
MAN'S
ANSWERS TO EVERY QUESTION A WOMAN EVER ASKS
1. WHY ARE MEN
SUCH JERKS?
It's a testosterone thing.
Much similar to your PMS thing, we men suffer from testosterone poisoning.
Why do you think the average life span of a male is typically 10 years
shorter (and it's not just from all the bitching and nagging we have to
endure)? Hormone modifies behavior. We're just misunderstood.
2.
WHY DO MEN ALWAYS HAVE TO OGLE AT OTHER WOMEN?
Again, this is a testosterone thing.
Do you honestly think that all the testosterone just fell out of our bodies the
moment we met you? Besides, women do it as well. Women are just much
better at not getting caught. I'm fairly certain it's some sort of
photographic memory deal. Women take one quick look and memorize it for later
reference. Since men lack this ability, we try to burn it into our memory
by staring as much as we can.
3. WHY DO
MEN ALWAYS TOUCH THEMSELVES, ESPECIALLY IN PUBLIC?
We occasionally need to adjust our
little friend and make him happy. It's much like adjusting your bra.
Being in public is just an added bonus.
4. WHY DO
MEN ALWAYS SAY SUCH STUPID THINGS?
We like to. It's actually a
whole lot of fun to see our partner frustrated by a few simple (and well chosen)
words.
5.
WHY ARE MEN SO UNCOMMUNICATIVE?
You'd learn to keep your big mouth
shut too if every time you open it you get into trouble with your partner.
6.
WHY DO MEN HAVE TO ACT LIKE SUCH RETARDS?
Well, we don't actually have to; we
do it because we enjoy it. It's the old fashioned pride in a job well done
that's missing in so much of the world nowadays.
7. WHY
CAN'T MEN JUST SHARE THEIR FEELINGS?
Do we look like women to you?
Why is it so hard to understand that men and women are different? How are
we supposed to share how we feel when we have no idea how we feel? Unless
we're experiencing some extreme emotion like rage, hatred, disgust, or a brick
on our foot, we have no idea how we feel. Personally, I get a headache whenever
I try to figure out how I feel.
8. WHY
CAN'T MEN CUDDLE MORE (I.E. LIE DOWN AND HUG)?
Please... How many hours do
you think there is in a day? We oblige you as much as we can, but who the
hell (besides women) can stand lying around for hours on end? We men...
Men hunters... Need go roam... Starve in cave... Must go find
wildebeest... Now sitting on our asses for hours on end on the other hand
is a whole other story.
9. HOW CAN
MEN SIT ON THEIR ASSES ALL DAY WITHOUT MOVING?
Men have very powerful sets of
sitting muscles developed by evolution that enable us to sit for extended
periods of time without getting tired. In prehistoric times, it was often
necessary to sit in one spot for extended periods of time while hunting for
prey. The more successful hunters were able to sit very still for very
extended periods of time thereby passing on this ability to their progeny.
The fidgety types were all gobbled up by saber toothed tigers etc. The end
result is that almost all modern men are born with this innate ability.
10. WHY
CAN'T MEN JUST SAY "I LOVE YOU?"
Men are taught from a tender young
age to be self-sufficient. To say that we love you is equivalent to saying
that we need you. Most men consider that a character fault. It's not
easy to admit to one's own character faults.
11. WHY DO
MEN SAY "I LOVE YOU" WHEN THEY HARDLY KNOW ME?
Ho, Ho, Ho... Aren't you
special? Well, some men think it's a sure fire way to get into your pants.
Surprisingly, it actually still works quite well.
12. WHY
DOESN'T MY PARTNER EVER ANSWER ME?
We just simply don't have the energy
to answer every single one of your questions. If we think we do not have
the answer, or that you will not like the answer, we simply remain quiet and
save the energy for other things.
13. WHY
WON'T MEN EVER PICK UP AFTER THEMSELVES?
Why should we? It doesn't
really bother us that much. Besides, we know darn well you'll pick it up.
14. WHAT'S
WITH ALL THE BELCHING AND FARTING?
This usually only occurs after
months of courting. It's our way to let you know that we're comfortable
with you. Believe it or not, it's actually a sign of affection.
Besides, holding it for extended periods of time gives us stomach cramps.
15. WHY DO
MEN HATE SHOPPING?
It's an evolutionary thing.
Men hunt. Women gather. We just want to go out, kill it, and bring
it back. Who wants to spend hours and hours to look at things we have no
intention of killing? Err... buying?
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